A problem from the past, Solution in the present

ITS TIME FOR REFORMATION,THE TIME WHICH HAS PUT ME UNDER LOT OF STRESS MAKING ME BLEED.THE VERY FEELING IS EXHAUSTING ALL THOSE OPTIMUM ENERGY I WAS CONSERVING FOR MY FUTURE.FUTURE AS IT APPEARS NOW IS MEAGRE,WEAK,SICK......SO WHERE DID IT ALL START ?
DEFINETLY IT HAD A START,WITHOUT WHICH HOW CAN SOMETHING JUST HAPPEN......
YES I STARTED IT,
AFTER MY GRADUATION,I HAD A BIG FEELING TO MAKE PEOPLE TURN THEIR CONCEPTION ABOUT ME INTO SOMETHING BIG AND MORE BIG AND I ENDED UP HERE..
THE REASON FOR MY FAILURES IN VARIOUS EVENTS HAD BEEN THIS,BUT I WASNT SURE IT WAS THIS.NOW I REALISE ITS THIS THAT MADE THINGS GO BAD AND TO A VERY GREAT EXTENT THAT I AM UNABLE TO RETRACE THOSE TRACKS TO FIND THE PATH THAT MISLEAD ME INTO A ALTER WORLD WHERE EVERTYTHING IS LIKE A BIG CRAP WITH A TAG "MADE BY NAREN".
ATLAST I ENDED UP WHERE I STARTED..BACK TO THE BEGINNING...
I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM.......WHAT I AM.........WILL I BE THE SAME?
QUESTIONS ALOT OF THEM JUST HOVERING LIKE A HOVERCRAFT JUST INSIDE MY BRAIN,NEITHER THEY GO OUT OR DIMINISH INSIDE COLLIDING WITH MORE BIGGER ONES.I THINK ITS TIME FOR ME TO MAKE THOSE BOMBS TO JUST BLAST THESE HOVERCRAFTS OUT OF MY SHIT HOLE...
BUT WHERE SHOULD I START,SHOULD I GOOGLE IT OR MAKEUP WITH A INGENIOUS PROCESS OF CONTROLLING THESE POWERFULL MACHINES..
YES MY BRAIN FOR INSTANCE IS A BIG MACHINE THAT FUNCTIONS FROM MY BIRTH TO DEATH....
CONTROLLING IT MAKES U GREAT AND ANYOTHER MECHANISM U ADOPT DOESNT ACHIEVE MUCH.......................
I NEED HELP,BUT FROM WHERE.ITS NOT ORDINARY HELP I AM IN NEED OF.I CANT TRUST EVERYBODY WHO OFFERS ME HELP,BECAUSE ITS MY CONTROL POINT,CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT,,ITS MY POWER AND ITS MY WEAKNESS.....
ITS NEEDS EXCERCISE TO A SIXPACK ABS EXTENT..
I AM ALSO IN SEARCH OF ENLIGHTMENT..THE PROCESS OF RESURRECTION....THE FINAL ASSULAT,A SALVATION THAT COULD GIVE A LIFT FROM ALL THAT I AM INTO.....
NOT AN EASY PROCESS BUT ITS WHAT IS NECESSARY.........
MY PROBLEM,HEADACHE START FROM A POINT WHERE MY CONTROL EXIST....PROCRASTINATION HAD A LOT OF INFLUENCE ON ME...I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT AND AM GOING THROUGH IT AND ALL THIS IS MAKING IT CONTINUE INTO THE GREAT FUTURE,.,.,.,.
DOUBTS WHICH I DIDNT HAVE BEFORE HAD SHACKLED MY THOUGHTS,ADMIRATIONS,ASPIRATIONS,GOALS WITH A BOLT,LIKE A GAINT THUNDER HITTING A SMALL PLANKTON,WHICH IS TRYING TO MULTIPLY FROM A SINGLE CELL TO MULTICELL...
MOVIES,MY SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE..TO BE FRANK,EACH MOVIE IS PERCEPTION A POINT BY A SINGLE PERSON AND HENCE MORE NUMBER OF MOVIES EITHER GIVE U MANY POINTS IN DIFFERENT ANGLES ABOUT A SINGLE THOUGHT OR MANY THINGS UNFOLD BEFORE U WHICH U MIGHT HAVE NEVER KNOWN............
AGAIN EVERYTHING IS BAD,,TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING HAS ITS TAKE ON EVERYTHING THATS IN AND AROUND AND MOVIES HAD ON ME TOO...I HAVE FALLEN A PREY AND I AM HELPLESS BEFORE IT WITH AMPUTED LOCOMOTARY ORGANS AND MOSTLY THE POWERFUL PROCESSOR HAVE GONE AWRY AND BEGAN TO SUCCUMB TO THE VIRUS THAT ALTERED MY OPERATING SYSTEM.HERE VIRUS NOT NECESSARLY MOVIES HAD A GREAT IMPACT......
WHAT TO SAY,THINK AND WHAT NOT TO SAY,WHEN ALL IS GONNA BAD........................


HERE I AM WISHING THE MYTH THAT I HEARD FROM MANY OR SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN IN INDIAN MOVIES,"THE HAPPY ENDING" OR" SUFFERS TO GREAT FELLAS".........
AND THE MYTH TURNED TRUE FOR MANY PEOPLE LIKE ABRAHAM LINCON ETC,MAY I HAVE MY CHANCE TOO....
ITS NOT BAD TO HOPE FOR SOMETHING GOOD AT THE TIME OF DESPAIR ,AS ONLY THIS HOPE GETS U OUT OF THAT DESPAIR......
MORE U SUFFER.....MORE STRONGER U BECOME ...........................................................................
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THIS IS ME FROM THE DEAREST OF THE MANKIND SENDING ACROSS A MESSAGE OF HOPE,REVIVAL,AND BELIEF....